Guest Post {meet MARCY}

Will the real Jenna K please stand up!

 

I repeat...

 

Will the real Jenna K please stand up!?

 

Oh wait that's right she is off having sexy time, gambling all her monies away, and drinking like a fish.

Well at least that's what I would be doing anyways...

 

Hi y'all I am Marcy and if you don't already know me I spew word vomit over @

 The Mustache Diaries

If you think cursing is bad, GIF's aren't funny, and sassyness is a problem then you may want to just hit that X button that can be found in the top right side part of your browser.

Because basically that is all I am.

 

I tend to get kinda nervous when somebody asks me to guest post for them.

Usually one of the first things I say is something like, "Are you sure?"

It's not that I am trying to talk them out of it but some bloggers just can't handle me.

...and before I could even get my next question out Miss Vegas assured me that ANYTHING GOES.

Did she really just tell me that???

Does she know what she could possibly be getting herself into????

Yes, she does because she reads my shit.

 

So then the pressure is on.

What in the eff am I going to talk about?

 

I mean I could talk about last week when I bought some Up All Night

after drinking one too many beers at a Pure Romance party my friend hosted.

I took a picture of it, sent it to my Husby, and said I can't wait to be UP ALL NIGHT.



I get home, the kids are in bed so I am literally undressing myself walking to our bedroom, I pull everything out of the package and lather that shit all over his goods.

She said to only use a pea size amount which actually means half the bottle right?

I will just leave you with this...

I am either THAT good in bed or the shit doesn't work.

I obviously have a vag bathed in gold but eff...

There is twenty licks down the drain and my hopes and dreams of being Up All Night ruined.

Actually I doubt I could handle an all nighter these days...

 

But nah that's not what I really wanted to talk about.

I want to talk about the one time I lost my pants in public.

If people don't know me for wearing my sassy pants most days they also may remember me for my weight loss.

I have lost roughly 80 pounds since July after I popped my last child out.

I have this horrible problem that my Husby likes to refer to as #SHATDRAWS.

Meaning I basically look like I have taken a dump in my pants.

It's not attractive.

...and if you still don't know what I am talking about I have a picture to show you because duh I

 

{shameless self plug but come follow me}

 

So with losing all this weight I have quite a few pairs of these #shatdraws but I just cannot let them go.

They are comfy, broken in, and dammit there are a lot of memories there.

So I had these pants on above and was headed out to our local Kroger.

Pulling them up the entire time before I left Husby even asked me why I didn't change into some smaller pants that fit.

I bithisfuckingheadoff told him they were fine and I made my way to Kroger.

As I am walking in I kept thinking to myself that I should have listened to Husby after having to pull them up about five times before ever reaching the store.

I even ended up going into the bathroom and rolling them up prior to ever even grabbing my shopping cart.

Which seemed to work at first.

I had my fruits and veggies checked off my list, grabbed some snacks for the kids, milk and cheese, and was leisurely walking down the frozen aisle when all the sudden it happened.

Before my brain could even accept the fact of what just occurred there was nothing I could do.

It was too late.

My pants were no longer rolled securely upon my waist.

Nope.

Instead they were at my ankles and I was tumbling forward from trying to continue walking before realizing what was going down.

I'm on the floor.

In the frozen section of Kroger's.

My pants are at my ankles and all I wanted to do was die.

So I did what any normal person would do.

I stood up, pulled my pants to where they were supposed to be grasping them tightly with one hand at my waist, and walked out of Kroger's.

Yes, I left my entire cart, my pride, and a few tears right there in Kroger.

I don't EVER like to admit that anybody is right, but especially not my Husband.

That day unfortunately he was right and you know he has NEVER let me live that shit down.

 

So the moral of the story is buy yourself some new frickin' pants.

Even if you have to result in going to yard sales, online sales, etc.

Because trust me NOTHING is worse than losing your pants in the frozen section of Kroger.

Oh...

and did I mention that I don't wear underwear???

 

So while I hope Miss Vegas is hopefully keeping her pants on in Sin City {except for sexy time of course} I hope y'all will stop over to my place and say HI!